were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
