Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
