Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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