just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize