There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
