Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
