I'm lost and stupid without you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
