in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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