so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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