you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
