i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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