we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
