Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
