A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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