It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
