never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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