You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
