didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Welp...herpes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
