Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
