john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
