The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize