3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
