At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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