I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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