Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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