I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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