we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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