ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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