i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
