Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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