Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
