His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
