I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Randomize
