all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize