OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
