Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
