Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize