I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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