Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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