My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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