hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
