I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize