i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
