i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
