Swine flu. Run for my life!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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