Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's like iHOP with fire
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
