I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
