it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize