Where is the hickey?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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