last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
