I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
