i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
