Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
