I feel great
I just peed on a car
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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