we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
