The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
