Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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