Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Who says no to sex and donuts?!