my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.