I molested 6 butterflies tonight
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.