I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD