My first STD was from a foam party
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
