i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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