Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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