I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
