He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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