I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
