Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
