the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
